Different Perspectives

God is quite involved in my life, and the more I let him, the more I learn and grow. If you have been following my journey you will know that its been quite the roller coaster ride for me. I was just offered full time status back at my office for the next three months. I was asked back because another employee was let go for not representing the company well. It was a tremendous shock to me because I had felt that this person was a hard worker. I had seen the work this person was doing. I felt bad, but also I was relieved for my situation. I questioned God asking why I was getting this gift at someone else's expense. I was confused, frustrated, saddened. I wanted to solve this problem, make it better for the person. In so doing, I would then be jeopardizing my own current circumstance.

When I became part time God told me to be still, be patient. And I tried my best to do that. I did not get involved with the turmoil. I paid attention to the task at hand and even though that was very hard for me it did get easier.

Two weeks back to full time I stumbled upon some emails this former employee had written and was shocked to find that she had been talking about me behind my back. Her perspective was that my part time status was a good thing for me, and bad for her. She was getting all of my work. Here I was struggling to accept this drastic change and cut in pay, and this person felt put upon.

The sad part about it all was that I believed we were becoming friends. I had been there for her quite often and I felt she was becoming that kind of friend to me. I was wrong.

But the lesson here for me has been that at times when I am feeling put upon, treated unfairly and depressed, that there are others with different perspectives on the same situation. Perhaps neither perspective is wrong, perhaps both are childish and insensitive to the other. Regardless, God continues to work with us right where we are. He has one perspective, and when we dwell too much on our selves, we get away from his plan, his mission, his perspective.

I've Been Thinking...Psalm 90:17

Creative Thinkers think a lot, about a great deal of things...all of the time. Lately I have been thinking about my job path, what I want to do with the rest of my life, how I want to do it. This morning during prayer time so much was running through my head. The more those ideas run, the less I move. The circle goes round and round and nothing ever gets completed or finished. It becomes overwhelming. And that is not God at work. God is not about confusion, frustration, guilt, doubt. So I prayed. I have said in earlier posts that since my reduction in hours, I have really had a sense of peace about it. That God knew this was going to happen and wants me to use this time to find my resting place. My passion, my strength, my own success. But at the same time, this mind keeps going jumping from one idea to the other and God works at slowing me down giving me time to think, process.

So in my prayer time I decided I knew what I wanted. I want to have God as my boss all the time. I want to run his company with the highest level of honor and respect for the people it employs whether it be one person or 500. I want the company to be God honoring in all it does. Recession Proof. I don't want to be rich by monetary standards. I am rich already. I want to be healthy. I want to treat people in an honoring way. It then occurred to me that all these "things" that have been happening, have been used to teach me to care for others beyond the normal way of caring. It doesn't matter how others act, it matters how I act, how I respond, how I treat people.

I was in tears by the time I ended that prayer. And I randomly opened the book to this verse:

"May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us;
Establish the work of our hands for us;
yes, establish the work of our hands"

Isn't that beautiful? To know that we can seek God for Everything. He can be Owner and President of our lives and guide us even to the point of determining the work that we do, and how we do it. Its amazing to me as I move through my business plan, life plan, choices I make, that I keep meeting others in the same place. Reaching out to God. Today a woman I met on the crafting site ETSY was emailing me about some work she is doing for me. I had asked her how she got started and she said, "I prayed about it". All around me the Lord is speaking. To me, through the words of others, and to you through the people you meet. Today I choose to start listening more. What verse has moved you lately? What verse was a clear answer to your questions?

He who has been forgiven little, loves little. Luke 7:47

Over the past week as I drive to work there is statement posted in front of a nearby church that says "Prayer is the key to morning and lock at night". It speaks to every time I drive by it, and it occurred to me that I AM A PRAYING WOMAN! I pray every morning and I am thankful every night. I made a promise to God over 2 years ago about a certain situation in my life. If he got me through it, I would honor him each and every day by being committed to the healing. He did, and I do. But what is so amazing here, is the difference that morning and night time prayer make in my daily routine called life. Sometimes the prayer may be a simple "Thank you God for this life" and other times it may be a litany of all the doubts I have, all the fears, all the troubles. To me it has become more than prayer but a relationship with a dear dear friend, mentor, teacher, leader.

Lately though my thoughts have been a jumble. I am in an unsettled place and it has been said that this is when God is working on you the most. The discomfort, the frustration, the turmoil is not what God intends or wants but it is there because I need to work through it. I need to let go and let God. This morning I came to him with my fears. I want to give it all to him, all the fear, but I also know that much of this I have created myself. It seems to me that I don't deserve his help, nor am I worthy of it. It seems to me that I have to do the work, I have to get up and get moving. There is a certain level of responsibility we all have to correcting or changing our behavior, our actions, our thoughts, words and deeds. For example, if we don't pay our bills, do we expect God to write the check, put it in the mail? No, we have to do the work, we have to mail the bill.

If we don't pay our taxes, will God wipe away the debt? No, its our responsibility to pay the taxes, to fulfill our obligations. We can't wait for God to do the work. But we must seek him for direction, guidance, support IN EVERYTHING WE DO. We must search his words and seek his answers.

So I was reading my bible study and came across this verse: "He who has been forgiven little, loves little". As you read this you might wonder, where in the heck is she going with this? Honestly, I don't quite know, but I do know God has a message for me in this. I am a praying woman. My sins have been forgiven. What right do I have to deny that I have been forgiven for all my sins? It was and is a glorious gift from God, and therefore I have been forgiven much. That means I am loved ALOT. That means I love ALOT. Its kind of a revelation to me. I can't sit in my mess and feel sorry about my predicament. I should not feel alone and helpless when things go awry. I do have God to lean on. It comes down to believing that we are worthy of God's love. We may not always deserve it, but we are his children and he loves us MUCH. We therefore must love much. Love Ourselves, Take Care of Ourselves, and Love others.

So what is the mess? Well, like so many other people, my job has been reduced to part time. I am hurt, feeling unloved, unappreciated, and sorry for myself. I am angry and resentful, and have now begun the process of blaming myself, as if I have done something wrong. Many of us are in this situation today and many of us may not get through the pain it causes. I feel lost and unsure of what to do next. I feel the need "to get out of this" and yet, God is saying, "give this all to me". And I am saying: "But I got myself into this Lord, I have to do the work".

Yes, there is work that needs to be done in my life. Yes, I am going to have to be obedient. But I have been forgiven much. I am loved ALOT. A year from now, as I look back on this journey, I am going to miss this. So perhaps I will work at enjoying the process, the turmoil, the uncertainty. GOD Knows what the future holds, and he has been so very good to me.

Being Humble...Having Character...even while Hurting Job 39 1-30

Well, the part time status of my job begins April 15th, and its sometimes hard to not let my hurt feelings show. I want to shout "Why me God? What did I do to earn this difficult lesson?" I do have peace about it, but sometimes that little niggling thought enters my head and I find myself obsessing about the unfairness of it all. Today I am at our annual convention. I will come in contact with the Executive Committee, the Board of Directors - those people that are aware of my fate. I want, maybe even expect them to understand how valuable an employee I am and to tell the President "This was a BIG MISTAKE, GET HER BACK!" and then on the other hand I want to see what God does with this. The reality is that no one will probably say anything. Most people would rather believe that everything is okay, that I am okay with it, even when I know I am not okay with it all the time. That is the human side of me and GOD understands. Which makes it that much more peaceful. To me sometimes it seems like a dichotomy. The negative thoughts that sometimes creep up, the insecurity, the Why mes??? compared to the sense of Peace, Joy and Inspiration that comes from this blind space that I am standing on right now getting ready to take God's lead.


This morning I happened on to the The Lord's Challenge to Job. "Who gave the horse its strength, he commands? Did you give the locust the ability to leap forward? Are you the one who makes the hawk soar, and spread its wings to the south?" He asks. Who am I to question the almighty God just because things don't go my way? Rather than complain I need to consider how much he loves me. Complaining blocks out the sight and sound of God, it leaves no room for him to reveal his greater purposes for me. My challenge is recognizing that it may unfold during the course of my life and not at the moment I desire.

I am reminded of a verse from a song by Casting Crowns:

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I don't have all the answers. And when I spend my time looking for them on my own, rather than seeking God's direction, I become wrapped up in a "poor me" mentality and in that place I accomplish nothing.

Lord, I want to seek you in all I do. I am going into an uncomfortable place this week where people know my situation and to my face will act as though everything is right. Help me to honor you in my actions, words and deeds. To think positively and in anticipation of the purpose you have for me and the growth that will come from my submission to your will.

I love you God.

I have stilled and quieted my soul...Psalm 131

Well, the day came and while I thought the worst would be a lay off, I was given a pay cut and reduced hours to part time. Have you ever felt like you were outside your body watching yourself react? I can honestly say that I was calm, responded with care, character and integrity and accepted my fate. From the beginning I had this sense of peace. I was confident in my abilities, did not feel threatened by my pay reduction or in responsibilities. But at the same time, while I had peace, my mind was spinning out of control. There was this fear of the possible. I have been working 50+ hours a week, taking on more and more responsibility and now I have one responsibility, a 30% paycut, and a 20 hour work week. The possible was the potential for God's plan for me. I now have no excuses. I need to be patient and wait for his direction.

I know as I look at myself, that this is an opportunity, an actual blessing from God. I can't tell you why I feel that way, but I know it. I have the chance to reinvent myself. I have the opportunity to prove that I can survive anything put in front of me as long as I let God have the reins. I know that the top two people did what they had to do to protect themselves. And it doesn't matter. God knows too. And its his decision regarding how and why things happen. We are all his children. And we will all learn from this experience.

Psalm 131 is a psalm of contentment. Quiet trust in God. The verse that spoke to me: I have stilled and quieted my soul --helped me to see that pride results from overvaluing ourselves and undervaluing others. By realizing that we are all God's Children, then we all have the grace of God, his forgiveness. It doesn't make the attack to my person any easier, there is still the disappointment, anger, shame, embarrassment, even if undeserved. But I know that only blessings will come from it if I continue to honor God by seeking him in all I do. I no longer have to prove myself to others. Humility and trust will affect my perspective and give me the strength and freedom to serve God and others.