Psalm 37:7 Rest In the Lord...

"Rest in the Lord and be willing to wait for Him. Do not trouble yourself when all goes well with the one who carries out his sinful plans."

Yesterday, work had my full attention. People were protecting themselves by blaming others for what was done wrong, while the boss simply wanted a new process to avoid mistakes. One worker plays dumb as if bored with the meeting, another states that "when she did it, there was never any problem" and here I sit taking on new responsiblities because of an unfilled position and its adiministrative. Here I am a hard worker, willing to work, willing to learn, and with all my years of experience frustrated that I am stuck doing the adiministrative work and on top of it, no one wantes to take on additional responsilibity so they play dumb.

Coming home from work last night God spoke to me and told me to "Just Be Still", they are not in control. Not one of them. God is.

I then realized that I was weathering a storm. I had been moved to part-time, and now I am back full time. Patience paid off. God is in control. And he may only want me here temporarily.

Its not about who is doing what, who did what, what didn't get done. It's about doing the work. As my Dad always says "If you aren't happy, leave! But NEVER NEVER leave a job without another one." So for now I am here.

I have to stop worrying about what the other person is doing, thinking, acting. If they are acting in a sinful way, in God's time, things will change. We all have lessons to learn. We are all his children. This to me seems to be the hardest lesson for me to learn and perhaps its why it keeps coming up as a topic of conversation between me and God.

He wants me to leave him in the driver seat, not try to take control of the wheel, not try to do things my way, but rest in the Lord.

Are you like me? Do you sometimes wonder why people get away with things? Do you wonder when it will be their turn? When will they learn their lesson?

It's not our debate. Thank God that he doesn't apply all the lessons I need to learn all at one time on the same day! Could you imagine?

Different Perspectives

God is quite involved in my life, and the more I let him, the more I learn and grow. If you have been following my journey you will know that its been quite the roller coaster ride for me. I was just offered full time status back at my office for the next three months. I was asked back because another employee was let go for not representing the company well. It was a tremendous shock to me because I had felt that this person was a hard worker. I had seen the work this person was doing. I felt bad, but also I was relieved for my situation. I questioned God asking why I was getting this gift at someone else's expense. I was confused, frustrated, saddened. I wanted to solve this problem, make it better for the person. In so doing, I would then be jeopardizing my own current circumstance.

When I became part time God told me to be still, be patient. And I tried my best to do that. I did not get involved with the turmoil. I paid attention to the task at hand and even though that was very hard for me it did get easier.

Two weeks back to full time I stumbled upon some emails this former employee had written and was shocked to find that she had been talking about me behind my back. Her perspective was that my part time status was a good thing for me, and bad for her. She was getting all of my work. Here I was struggling to accept this drastic change and cut in pay, and this person felt put upon.

The sad part about it all was that I believed we were becoming friends. I had been there for her quite often and I felt she was becoming that kind of friend to me. I was wrong.

But the lesson here for me has been that at times when I am feeling put upon, treated unfairly and depressed, that there are others with different perspectives on the same situation. Perhaps neither perspective is wrong, perhaps both are childish and insensitive to the other. Regardless, God continues to work with us right where we are. He has one perspective, and when we dwell too much on our selves, we get away from his plan, his mission, his perspective.

Finding Solace with God in my Isolation...

Today I was laying in bed, caught between the time of actually being up and still dreaming. Its this quiet morning time when God gets my attention and I can hear him so clearly. He has been leading me these past few weeks into places I am not always comfortable. Places, thoughts, ideas, dreams that I have closed off, and have chosen not to think about. Lately the question has been "How did I get here? Where is the girl that I once was, or was I ever that girl? Or was I pretending until I was what I thought everyone wanted me to be?" Gently he has let me have these negative thoughts, gently he has led me out of the despair I was feeling. This morning he gave me one word, one thought. Isolation. The idea that I have been isolating myself. Isolating myself from people, activities, events. Shutting everyone out, shutting myself down, and setting up my environment so that it would be difficult for people to get in.

I was surprised by that, but it was true. I have isolated myself from feeling, living, being. My church attendance had become sporadic, my time out of the house less spontaneous and less tied to activities that help to define me. I had become the work, home, work, home person, gaining weight, become less and less physical, canceling time with friends. I was isolating myself so much, that the worse it got, the harder it might become to get myself out of it.

But that is where God steps in. You can't isolate yourself from God and seek him at the same time. I was still seeking him, still looking for answers to my questions, and he has never left me or forsaken me. He stays with us through the turmoil, and he continues to prod, push, move us gently as we make this journey, always closer to him.

So where does this road lead? For now its a slow process. Listening to him, stepping out a bit more, challenging my old ways of thinking and not being afraid to sit in the solace of isolation. It is here where I meet him each day now, listening to his whisper, being obedient to his direction. I am here in this place for a reason, his reason, and rather than creating activity around myself to feel less isolated, I think there is a much bigger lesson that is going to come from this. God is good, and sometimes its in the turmoil that we become better people.

If you find yourself filled with doubt, negative thoughts, insecurity, loneliness, ask God to show you his presence. Give it all to him and let him work the wonder of your life.