If you feed your emptiness with addictions, you will starve to death...Luke: Chapter 9

My addiction for the longest time was alcohol. And if you read past posts of mine you will know that God took that addiction away. To me, its my own miracle. I had suffered with my drinking, but when I laid it down desperately in front of God and begged him to remove it, he did, free and clear, on September 11, almost two years ago. Luke Chapter 9 talks of God feeding thousands with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fishes. He fills every hungry soul. Isn't that the most beautiful guarantee? How do we accept that into our lives? Remind ourselves that we are his. We don't need to be fed by material wants and needs. He fills every hungry soul.

I don't struggle with alcohol any longer but there are other addictions I deal with: Spending, Shopping, Over eating, procrastination, relationships.

Today while praying and in conversation with God and wondering why I always find myself in this predicament it occurred to me that I have substituted one addiction for another. Why? I asked? Its not like I just happened upon overspending. I have done it for years. But my overspending has now become a focal point now that the alcohol has been removed. The layers of addiction are peeling away like an onion and each layer removed helps me see further into my soul and my relationship with God.

We can't fill the emptiness with food, alcohol, drugs, sex, shopping, (Fill in the blank). We know the list of things that keep us from growing, from being the best we can be. Only God can fill the empty space, only God can take away the fear, the doubts, the uncertainty. Its a struggle some days. Me, I just want to believe that I can handle it, that I don't need anyone. But the more I rely on God, the more I realize I need him all. I need all of him in me. The Holy Spirit can be a powerful defense against the challenges and struggles of this world. If we would just let him. Are you struggling with something today? If so, know that you are loved. God loves you and he has a plan. He can and he will fill the emptiness with more love than you can possibly imagine. It's Him we need, it's his Son Jesus Christ. I believe this with all that I am.

I am rich in Christ.

Gossip Girls and Boys Ephesians 4:29

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." I told you yesterday God is leading me in this area so it came as no surprise when I came across this verse.

I have over the years participated in GOSSIP. Good and bad, hurtful, behind the back gossip of any kind is detrimental not only to the people involved but to building a stronger relationship with God. Its hard to remember that when we are hurt or upset with someone, jealous or angry, those thoughts and feelings are against one of God's children. Christian or not...Buddhist, athiesist, Muslim, we are all God's children. Chinese, African American, Spanish...you get the idea...we are all God's Children. Tall, short, fat, alcoholic, addict. We are all God's children.

So, when we have negative thoughts we are not only hurting relationships but hurting God as well. He aches when he hears us and when we particpate. Over the years I have removed myself from those opportunities, but every once in awhile, I walk into a situation where someone is talking about someone else. My reaction is to listen without saying words, or in some cases to offer another point of view. In any event I am still participating. It takes courage to say..."This is gossip and not healthy for the organization, community, church". Sometimes its uncomfortable and I feel as though by commenting in that fashion I won't be liked any more. It's a difficult task for me but one that I feel I need to work on.

Watch your self over the next month, how many times do you find yourself drawn into a situation where you know the conversation is being heard by God and he is aching over it? Think about how you can change the world one conversation at a time by ending the conversation or making others aware of the damage it is causing.

Psalm 37:7 Rest In the Lord...

"Rest in the Lord and be willing to wait for Him. Do not trouble yourself when all goes well with the one who carries out his sinful plans."

Yesterday, work had my full attention. People were protecting themselves by blaming others for what was done wrong, while the boss simply wanted a new process to avoid mistakes. One worker plays dumb as if bored with the meeting, another states that "when she did it, there was never any problem" and here I sit taking on new responsiblities because of an unfilled position and its adiministrative. Here I am a hard worker, willing to work, willing to learn, and with all my years of experience frustrated that I am stuck doing the adiministrative work and on top of it, no one wantes to take on additional responsilibity so they play dumb.

Coming home from work last night God spoke to me and told me to "Just Be Still", they are not in control. Not one of them. God is.

I then realized that I was weathering a storm. I had been moved to part-time, and now I am back full time. Patience paid off. God is in control. And he may only want me here temporarily.

Its not about who is doing what, who did what, what didn't get done. It's about doing the work. As my Dad always says "If you aren't happy, leave! But NEVER NEVER leave a job without another one." So for now I am here.

I have to stop worrying about what the other person is doing, thinking, acting. If they are acting in a sinful way, in God's time, things will change. We all have lessons to learn. We are all his children. This to me seems to be the hardest lesson for me to learn and perhaps its why it keeps coming up as a topic of conversation between me and God.

He wants me to leave him in the driver seat, not try to take control of the wheel, not try to do things my way, but rest in the Lord.

Are you like me? Do you sometimes wonder why people get away with things? Do you wonder when it will be their turn? When will they learn their lesson?

It's not our debate. Thank God that he doesn't apply all the lessons I need to learn all at one time on the same day! Could you imagine?

Different Perspectives

God is quite involved in my life, and the more I let him, the more I learn and grow. If you have been following my journey you will know that its been quite the roller coaster ride for me. I was just offered full time status back at my office for the next three months. I was asked back because another employee was let go for not representing the company well. It was a tremendous shock to me because I had felt that this person was a hard worker. I had seen the work this person was doing. I felt bad, but also I was relieved for my situation. I questioned God asking why I was getting this gift at someone else's expense. I was confused, frustrated, saddened. I wanted to solve this problem, make it better for the person. In so doing, I would then be jeopardizing my own current circumstance.

When I became part time God told me to be still, be patient. And I tried my best to do that. I did not get involved with the turmoil. I paid attention to the task at hand and even though that was very hard for me it did get easier.

Two weeks back to full time I stumbled upon some emails this former employee had written and was shocked to find that she had been talking about me behind my back. Her perspective was that my part time status was a good thing for me, and bad for her. She was getting all of my work. Here I was struggling to accept this drastic change and cut in pay, and this person felt put upon.

The sad part about it all was that I believed we were becoming friends. I had been there for her quite often and I felt she was becoming that kind of friend to me. I was wrong.

But the lesson here for me has been that at times when I am feeling put upon, treated unfairly and depressed, that there are others with different perspectives on the same situation. Perhaps neither perspective is wrong, perhaps both are childish and insensitive to the other. Regardless, God continues to work with us right where we are. He has one perspective, and when we dwell too much on our selves, we get away from his plan, his mission, his perspective.

Finding Solace with God in my Isolation...

Today I was laying in bed, caught between the time of actually being up and still dreaming. Its this quiet morning time when God gets my attention and I can hear him so clearly. He has been leading me these past few weeks into places I am not always comfortable. Places, thoughts, ideas, dreams that I have closed off, and have chosen not to think about. Lately the question has been "How did I get here? Where is the girl that I once was, or was I ever that girl? Or was I pretending until I was what I thought everyone wanted me to be?" Gently he has let me have these negative thoughts, gently he has led me out of the despair I was feeling. This morning he gave me one word, one thought. Isolation. The idea that I have been isolating myself. Isolating myself from people, activities, events. Shutting everyone out, shutting myself down, and setting up my environment so that it would be difficult for people to get in.

I was surprised by that, but it was true. I have isolated myself from feeling, living, being. My church attendance had become sporadic, my time out of the house less spontaneous and less tied to activities that help to define me. I had become the work, home, work, home person, gaining weight, become less and less physical, canceling time with friends. I was isolating myself so much, that the worse it got, the harder it might become to get myself out of it.

But that is where God steps in. You can't isolate yourself from God and seek him at the same time. I was still seeking him, still looking for answers to my questions, and he has never left me or forsaken me. He stays with us through the turmoil, and he continues to prod, push, move us gently as we make this journey, always closer to him.

So where does this road lead? For now its a slow process. Listening to him, stepping out a bit more, challenging my old ways of thinking and not being afraid to sit in the solace of isolation. It is here where I meet him each day now, listening to his whisper, being obedient to his direction. I am here in this place for a reason, his reason, and rather than creating activity around myself to feel less isolated, I think there is a much bigger lesson that is going to come from this. God is good, and sometimes its in the turmoil that we become better people.

If you find yourself filled with doubt, negative thoughts, insecurity, loneliness, ask God to show you his presence. Give it all to him and let him work the wonder of your life.

I've Been Thinking...Psalm 90:17

Creative Thinkers think a lot, about a great deal of things...all of the time. Lately I have been thinking about my job path, what I want to do with the rest of my life, how I want to do it. This morning during prayer time so much was running through my head. The more those ideas run, the less I move. The circle goes round and round and nothing ever gets completed or finished. It becomes overwhelming. And that is not God at work. God is not about confusion, frustration, guilt, doubt. So I prayed. I have said in earlier posts that since my reduction in hours, I have really had a sense of peace about it. That God knew this was going to happen and wants me to use this time to find my resting place. My passion, my strength, my own success. But at the same time, this mind keeps going jumping from one idea to the other and God works at slowing me down giving me time to think, process.

So in my prayer time I decided I knew what I wanted. I want to have God as my boss all the time. I want to run his company with the highest level of honor and respect for the people it employs whether it be one person or 500. I want the company to be God honoring in all it does. Recession Proof. I don't want to be rich by monetary standards. I am rich already. I want to be healthy. I want to treat people in an honoring way. It then occurred to me that all these "things" that have been happening, have been used to teach me to care for others beyond the normal way of caring. It doesn't matter how others act, it matters how I act, how I respond, how I treat people.

I was in tears by the time I ended that prayer. And I randomly opened the book to this verse:

"May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us;
Establish the work of our hands for us;
yes, establish the work of our hands"

Isn't that beautiful? To know that we can seek God for Everything. He can be Owner and President of our lives and guide us even to the point of determining the work that we do, and how we do it. Its amazing to me as I move through my business plan, life plan, choices I make, that I keep meeting others in the same place. Reaching out to God. Today a woman I met on the crafting site ETSY was emailing me about some work she is doing for me. I had asked her how she got started and she said, "I prayed about it". All around me the Lord is speaking. To me, through the words of others, and to you through the people you meet. Today I choose to start listening more. What verse has moved you lately? What verse was a clear answer to your questions?

Listening to God...Malachi 4:2

When I first made a personal commitment to God and accepted Christ as my Saviour it was only 12 years ago. I had grown up in church, learned all about God, been confirmed, but I didn't get it. It wasn't until 12 years ago where I wanted to understand, wanted something more, and knew that it was through a relationship with God. And when I did, everything changed. Sometimes it was rather difficult, sometimes things turned upside down and there were times when I wondered what I had gotten myself into. I went through comparing my spirituality to how others heard God, and how others prayed, and how others sought God in their lives. How he spoke to them, how they heard them. My life was a constant comparison. I thought God was speaking to me, but it didn't seem as powerful as others talked about. I knew he was there guiding and prodding me or making me think of something and yet, I still doubted that it was him.

There have been a series of challenges I have faced with God, alcoholism in my family, my own alcoholism, rape, divorce, depression, life's challenges, and through all the years looking back I began to see his work in my life, his hands on me, I couldn't doubt it anymore. It made no sense to challenge it or think it was my own actions, my own doing. It made more sense to be thankful. To accept it. And so I began my journey of praise. Praise for everything that God brought to me. Praise for the challenges that were going to make me stronger, praise for the joy, the sadness, the good, the bad. Praise for it all. And my relationship with God became one of wonder. I look and see things differently. I have a sense of wonder about what is possible through God, what he can do in our lives, who he can touch through us and with us. I can and more often have peace in even the most difficult of circumstances. I am not saying that I always get it right, that every day is a good day because it isn't. But I can in the course of the turmoil reflect back on all of my interactions with God and know that together we can get through this one, we can climb that mountain, reach that peak, climb over the hill, walk around or go over the obstacle.

So, last night as I approached my 50th birthday, I was feeling a little low, a little emotional, a little sorry for myself. I don't think it had anything to do with turning 50, but everything to do with basing my life and my success on my job. I had let my job define me again, and again, I had been let down. As you know my hours were reduced to part time. I was no longer a success in my eyes. And yet, when it happened, I felt God's presence telling me it was okay, this was where he wanted me. And I began to doubt. Last night it all culminated into a tear fest.

At about midnight I awoke to the most melodious sound imaginable outside my window of our townhouse. We don't live way out in the country, where noises are to be expected. We live in the suburbs, in a townhouse community just outside the city. The bird was singing so beautifully and all I could think of was "what type of bird sings at midnight"? I couldn't sleep as this bird sang, and sang, and sang...I tried closing the window but it was swollen shut, my husband snoring next to me couldn't hear a thing. At 2:00am this nutty bird was still singing joyfully. You would think at that moment I embraced the joyful little miracle? Clearly a message from God!! NOT. I was tired, I wanted sleep. It wasn't until this morning that I saw the significance.

The next morning I got up determined to figure out what the bird was doing, what bird sings that late at night. Well, its a mockingbird. And believe it or not it holds very symbolic meaning in the many cultures. It was no surprise as I read that he symbolized adaptability, going with the flow, and finding your inner gifts. (Mockingbird) can also help you find your “sacred song” or your life’s purpose and helps you realize your inner talents. Mockingbird will help you act on it without fear.”

The evening before this wonderful song, a red capped woodpecker came to our bird feeder. We have never had one in our back yard and he came back three times. In researching the symbols of all birds, I learned that the Woodpecker symbolizes: tenacity, patience and straightforward actions. My favorite bird is the cardinal, and I come across that bird all the time. In fact, it was one of the first photos I took that I have cherished again right in my front yard. What do you think it symbolizes? He adds balance to life and shows that everything we do is important.

I know that God used my love for nature and the great outdoors to get his message through to me. He sent a beautiful birthday song at midnight to remind me of his power and love for me. He took my love of birds and my curiosity in finding out what bird would sing at midnight to give me the opportunity to read up and hear him through the reading. He gave me renewed hope on the wings of birds.

Four birds have been very visible to me over the past few months, the Eagle, the Cardinal, The Woodpecker and the Mockingbird. And they all brought messages of hope, a challenge to "Go For It' and Let Go and Let God.

"But for you who revere my name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its wings." God is all around us, and we just have to listen for him to reach us in the way that works for us. Its not the same for everyone, his still small voice to me comes in the way of words, nature, and song. When in prayer time, I often feel as though I can't block everything out to let him in, so he comes to me when I am not trying so hard to hear him. He speaks to me in a way that I can comprehend and understand and through it all, I grow closer to him.

How do you hear God? Are you paying attention?