Losing Out on His Love. Psalms 105:4 Seek His Face Always.

Its been awhile since I have posted. Not sure what to call it other than a "break", a catharsis, a mistake. Because for awhile I have neglected my relationship with God. I have kept him in my heart drawing on his strength in difficult times but not putting my effort and time into this relationship. There were many excuses, an illness, a death in the family, job issues, etc. etc. etc. It wasn't only the attending church issue, I went from a daily bible study and devotional time with God to next to no time with God, and its a wonder to me that it happens so quickly and without my attention.

I could beat myself up for it, could get discouraged and feel bad but God is a forever friend. He does leave us simply because we have become lazy or neglectful. When we are ready to come back to him, his arms are wide open, welcoming us home.

I have missed out though. That time away from him, have left me with an emptiness and I want it back. I have talked to non believers through the years, and sometimes wonder if I could ever walk away. If I could accept my inability to keep up with the relationship. The answer is no. God has given to me an unconditional love again, and again, and again. My life is a testimony. Miracles abound, and to know that, to have that proof reminds me that its time to get back on track.

If there is someone out there who has been there, or is there, I encourage you to know that with God, there is always hope. When you let him in to your life, when you accept his Son as your Saviour, he grabs hold of your heart and never lets you go. Simply get on your knees and talk to him. His arms are wide open, his heart is yours. He will always be there.

This devotional arrived in my inbox today. I think God was talking to me!

If you're not choosing to spend regular time with God, then you're choosing to die spiritually.

Finding Solace with God in my Isolation...

Today I was laying in bed, caught between the time of actually being up and still dreaming. Its this quiet morning time when God gets my attention and I can hear him so clearly. He has been leading me these past few weeks into places I am not always comfortable. Places, thoughts, ideas, dreams that I have closed off, and have chosen not to think about. Lately the question has been "How did I get here? Where is the girl that I once was, or was I ever that girl? Or was I pretending until I was what I thought everyone wanted me to be?" Gently he has let me have these negative thoughts, gently he has led me out of the despair I was feeling. This morning he gave me one word, one thought. Isolation. The idea that I have been isolating myself. Isolating myself from people, activities, events. Shutting everyone out, shutting myself down, and setting up my environment so that it would be difficult for people to get in.

I was surprised by that, but it was true. I have isolated myself from feeling, living, being. My church attendance had become sporadic, my time out of the house less spontaneous and less tied to activities that help to define me. I had become the work, home, work, home person, gaining weight, become less and less physical, canceling time with friends. I was isolating myself so much, that the worse it got, the harder it might become to get myself out of it.

But that is where God steps in. You can't isolate yourself from God and seek him at the same time. I was still seeking him, still looking for answers to my questions, and he has never left me or forsaken me. He stays with us through the turmoil, and he continues to prod, push, move us gently as we make this journey, always closer to him.

So where does this road lead? For now its a slow process. Listening to him, stepping out a bit more, challenging my old ways of thinking and not being afraid to sit in the solace of isolation. It is here where I meet him each day now, listening to his whisper, being obedient to his direction. I am here in this place for a reason, his reason, and rather than creating activity around myself to feel less isolated, I think there is a much bigger lesson that is going to come from this. God is good, and sometimes its in the turmoil that we become better people.

If you find yourself filled with doubt, negative thoughts, insecurity, loneliness, ask God to show you his presence. Give it all to him and let him work the wonder of your life.