I have stilled and quieted my soul...Psalm 131

Well, the day came and while I thought the worst would be a lay off, I was given a pay cut and reduced hours to part time. Have you ever felt like you were outside your body watching yourself react? I can honestly say that I was calm, responded with care, character and integrity and accepted my fate. From the beginning I had this sense of peace. I was confident in my abilities, did not feel threatened by my pay reduction or in responsibilities. But at the same time, while I had peace, my mind was spinning out of control. There was this fear of the possible. I have been working 50+ hours a week, taking on more and more responsibility and now I have one responsibility, a 30% paycut, and a 20 hour work week. The possible was the potential for God's plan for me. I now have no excuses. I need to be patient and wait for his direction.

I know as I look at myself, that this is an opportunity, an actual blessing from God. I can't tell you why I feel that way, but I know it. I have the chance to reinvent myself. I have the opportunity to prove that I can survive anything put in front of me as long as I let God have the reins. I know that the top two people did what they had to do to protect themselves. And it doesn't matter. God knows too. And its his decision regarding how and why things happen. We are all his children. And we will all learn from this experience.

Psalm 131 is a psalm of contentment. Quiet trust in God. The verse that spoke to me: I have stilled and quieted my soul --helped me to see that pride results from overvaluing ourselves and undervaluing others. By realizing that we are all God's Children, then we all have the grace of God, his forgiveness. It doesn't make the attack to my person any easier, there is still the disappointment, anger, shame, embarrassment, even if undeserved. But I know that only blessings will come from it if I continue to honor God by seeking him in all I do. I no longer have to prove myself to others. Humility and trust will affect my perspective and give me the strength and freedom to serve God and others.

Be Still and Know That I am God...Psalm 46

Last year God made it very clear to me that I was to learn to "Be Still and Know that I am God". It was quite a challenge for me as I am never still about anything. In fact, if I can control it, I will. At times making the wrong decisions in spite of what I know. Rash decisions, faulty steps, and in the midst of this God was saying "Be still and know that I am God?" Was he joking? Yet every where I turned, with every decision I made, there was this still small voice saying "Be still, and know that I am God".

Today, the company I work for sent out an email saying each of its employees would be meeting on Tuesday with the boss individually and because of the economy we were going to have to cut back. Immediately the people affected in our small office began to talk, whisper actually. Was I getting laid off, are things really bad, how bad are they? The stomach began to churn and for about 30 minutes I felt ill, and then it came., the still small voice: "Be still and KNOW, that I am God". I sat there and listened, calmly letting the peace settle over me. Whatever happens tomorrow, the Lord God is in control, for HE knows the plans that he has for me. And while I of course will do my best to "BE still" if the worst were to happen, I am sure I may react irrationally, emotionally. But its not my plan right now. My plan right now is to handle it with grace and dignity because I know that he is God. And every day after today, and after the next is all part of his divine plan for me.

It's human to be emotional, and to react to a bad situation. But there is a sense of peace knowing that he knows. That he has a plan for me and that there is something much better in store for me.